Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
