I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
