Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
