I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have fence marks all over my body
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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