I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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