she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
