My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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