what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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