i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"