he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.