ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident