4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex