So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
