Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?