I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
