On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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