he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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