It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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