it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
