Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
