Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
