i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
