this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
