you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
