yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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