thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
