We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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