The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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