I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
