Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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