The maid of honor just puked.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
