I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
