I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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