You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
