lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
