When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This baby is an asshole
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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