I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
