You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
