What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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