Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
