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I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize