clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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