Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
