Soap is not a condiment
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
