is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
