Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize