grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
