Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems