This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I will die if light touches me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..