Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.