Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize