Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
