kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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