She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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