6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
