Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
