No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
