you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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