i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
