Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
