I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
