I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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