And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
