After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize